Dark Holes of My Heart
by Mrs. RT
Summary: What happens when you’ve given up on the world, but the world won’t let you go? Harry is struggling to overcome his emotions, secrets and his confusion about someone he thought he knew. (HPDM) (Slash sooner or later)
1. Introductions and Causes

**Dark Holes of My Heart**  
  
By: Mrs. RT.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, how I wish. Maybe I'll get lucky with Power ball.  
  
Pairing: HP/DM  
  
Warning: This will eventually be slash. If you don't like it, keep reading. I might be able to change your mind. Angst, angst, and more angst. Beware the warning.  
  
Summary: What happens when you've given up on the world, but the world won't let you go? When surprise changes forever alter his life, Harry Potter must overcome all odds and himself to save the wizarding world.  
  
A/N: This takes place after Harry's 6th year.

* * *

Chapter 1

Introductions and Causes

* * *

Hot.  
  
There really is no other way to describe the summer after Harry Potter's 6th year of school. Yet even with all of the heat, Harry couldn't escape the chill that threatened to overcome his soul.  
  
Harry Potter was found in the smallest bedroom available in the house, of course, and was currently laying on his bed reflecting on the past few years.  
  
'I wonder if it's all been worth it.' He thought to himself, 'six years of adventures, danger, and oh yeah, good old Voldy trying to kill me off.' He laid there remembered all the things that had happened to him and his friends, Ron and Hermione.  
  
'Sortings, stones, giant chess games, 3-headed dogs, dragons, more dragons, Voldemort, secret chambers, basilisk, petrified friends, escaped convicts, tri-wizard competitions. Oh, let's not forget thestrals, prophesies, mysteries, and Sirius.' And at the reminder of Sirius he let out a soft sigh.  
  
'What else?' he went back to his list. 'There was the official start of the war, battles, training, more Voldemort, and more deaths. Always more deaths' it seemed like the list kept getting longer every year. 'Nothing but pain seems to follow me.' Harry thought sadly. 'Everyone is a target, especially if they're close to me.'  
  
Harry got up slowly from the bed, a sudden wariness coming over him. 'What would happen to the people I love if I wasn't here to put them in danger?' He walked over to the window and gazed out onto Privet Drive.  
  
In the street there were a couple of neighborhood kids chasing each other with water balloons, laughing and running around. They were enjoying the innocence of childhood. Something Harry would never know. Harry watched them for a while wishing he could have had happy memories of summer and fun, instead of the memories of being despised by his aunt and uncle.  
  
He felt a weight around his chest that he couldn't explain, a pressure that made it hard to breathe. 'Why does the world hate me so much? Why couldn't I be normal like them? Why does everyone I love die? Why can't I just die too?' Silent tears began to fall down his face. He let them fall, knowing they weren't the first to come, and probably wouldn't be the last.  
  
He left the happy images from the window and walked out of his room to the bathroom across the hall to wash his face. The water felt pleasantly warm and helped ease the worry from his mind. But that moment of peace would be fleeting as the reality of life came crashing back.  
  
He was forever wondering about his place in the world. 'Why?' he asked himself for the one hundredth time since returning to Number 4 Privet Drive. 'Why does everyone I love leave me?'  
  
The death of Sirius Black had slowly taken him to new depths of depression. Although Harry didn't realize that it was called that. The only thing he was aware of was the continuous pain in his heart, the ache that never left and the feeling of emptiness that wouldn't go away. And yet, his closest friends didn't realize that he was coming slowly to an end.  
  
Walking around the house, Harry felt detached from everything. He continued his chores but he didn't talk much to the 'family' he lived with. Yet every night he cried himself to sleep only to be awakened by the nightmares that plagued him.  
  
"BOY!" Harry's uncle bellowed from the living room. "GET IN HERE NOW!" Harry wiped the tears from his eyes and walked into the room from the kitchen.  
  
"Yes, Uncle Vernon?" Harry said slightly concerned.  
  
"Since Dudley will be away for boxing camp the next three weeks, I expect you to keep up with both his and your chores."  
  
Harry had to bite down on his tongue to prevent himself from laughing. 'Since when did Dudley do chores?' he thought to himself. Fortunately, his uncle answered for him.  
  
"I expect you to keep his room clean and feed that darn cat."  
  
"Clean his room!" Harry exclaimed. "But that's his room, why do I have to clean it?" Harry really didn't like how unfair this was. Again he was getting stuck with something that wasn't his responsibility. Besides, why should he clean a room that's not being used?  
  
"You will do what I say boy, and you won't argue." And with that Vernon left the room muttering under his breath, "Damm boy; stupid freak. He can't even do a simple chore without causing problems."  
  
Harry lowered his head in defeat. 'Why do I even bother to argue? I should have known that it would never get any better here.' Even after members of the Order had threatened the Dursley's to take better care of him, they still were the same towards him, just a little more discreet about it, just in case someone was watching. And with that thought on his mind, he went upstairs to his room.  
  
Sitting on the bed, Harry took out his photo album. Glancing at the pictures moving around and waving at him, he felt the tears start to gather in his eyes.  
  
'Oh mum, dad' he whispered to the photo. 'I wish you were here. Why did it have to be this way?' He closed the album and returned it to his hiding place under the floor board. He lay down on his bed and quietly he fell asleep.

* * *

When Harry awoke from his nap it was with a barely restrained scream, as once again the nightmares sent his heart pounding and made his mouth dry. It was starting to get dark. 'At least it's cooling down a little' he thought as he made his way to the kitchen to get a glass of water and to feed the cat.  
  
He went to the shelf and grabbed a can of cat food for "Killer" Dudley's cat. Considering how big Dudley was, Harry found it amusing that he would have picked out such a small defenseless kitten for a pet. And to give it such a ridiculous name as "Killer" well that was just enough to make him to smile. A small smile at that, but it was the first positive emotion to cross his face all summer.  
  
Reaching down to pet the diminutive tan colored animal he commented to it, "Well, Killer, did you chase away the big scary dogs?" And then he paused.  
  
The mention of big dogs brought back all the painful memories of Sirius and the smile that was on his face slowly melted away.  
  
'Why Sirius? Why did you go?' Harry didn't have any answers, only questions that continued to haunt him and his dreams. He finished feeding the cat and started to prepare dinner.

* * *

When the sun finally went down and the air cooled off, Harry decided it was time to get some air. Quietly reaching for his wand he snuck downstairs listening hard for any sounds the Dursleys were making in their sleep and walked out the door.  
  
The cool breeze felt like a gentle caress across his face as he walked down the street. Realizing he had no destination, Harry decided to walk towards the park. Maybe a gait in the night air would help cool him off.  
  
As he went around the corner and past the alleyway, he felt a cold shiver run down his spine. He spun around quickly and asked, "Who's there?" He waited a moment for a response. Not getting an answer he looked around one more time and when he didn't see anyone appear he turned back around and continued on his way to the park.  
  
Harry was sure he was being watched, but there wasn't anyone about. He placed one hand in his back pocket where his wand was currently being held. Feeling comforted by the feeling of the wood in his hand he walked a little more sure.  
  
'Well that was strange.' He thought to himself. He returned to his thoughts about life. 'I wonder if anyone would miss me if I was gone.' Again the feelings of unworthiness crossed his mind.  
  
Yet deep down he knew he could never do anything to take his own life. He had a responsibility to the Wizarding World. A job to do that everyone was counting on him completing, and they would never let him go until it was done.  
  
'If only I was stronger, I could have defeated him the last time we meet.' Harry remembered the last meeting with Voldemort as if it were yesterday.

* * *

FLASHBACK  
  
Harry was sitting in the Gryffindor common room working on his homework when Neville came rushing through the portrait entrance.  
  
"Harry," he said breathlessly "I just saw Ron and Hermione down in Hogsmeade."  
  
"Yes, I know," Harry replied. "They're finally having their first date. It's about time if you ask me."  
  
"No, Harry, that's not it." The shy boy struggled to get out what he had to say. "Harry, I saw them. They were walking down the street when all these death eaters came out from nowhere."  
  
Harry gasped. "What happened to them?" He was scared to hear what happened, but he knew that he must.  
  
"They took them, Harry!" Neville was about in tears. "They took them away and there was nothing I could do. I was too far away and it happened so fast." He took a deep breath and suddenly broke down.  
  
"I ran to them. I...wanted...sob...to help...sob" He couldn't speak anymore.  
  
"It's okay Neville. I'll get Dumbledore and we'll get them back." He patted the boy on the back. "It's going to be okay." He repeated again, this time to convince himself more than the other boy. 'I hope it will be okay,' he thought to himself.  
  
Harry was devastated that his best friends were being held by his worst enemy. Once again he was afraid he would lose his loved ones.  
  
Harry immediately ran up to Dumbledore's office and shouted the password "Tootsie Rolls" to the gargoyle that was the entrance. After knocking once on the door, Harry rushed right in to find several teachers already talking to the headmaster.  
  
"Potter, what are you doing here?" Professor Snape snarled at him.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore," He started, "Neville just came back from Hogsmeade. He said the Ron and Hermione were taken by death eaters. We have to save them! I won't let Voldemort kill any more of my friends!" Harry was frantic with worry and was even willing to ignore Snape if only it would mean he could get to his friends and get them out of danger.  
  
Ignoring the wincing of some of the teachers at the name of the enemy, Dumbledore looked sadly at Harry.  
  
"Harry," he started, "we need some time to get the Order together before we can go charging off to rescue them. We need to have a plan in order to minimize any problems we may have."  
  
Harry shook his head. "There isn't any time!" Harry shouted. "We can't wait until a bunch of old people decide to get off their butts and do something!" He was angry at the lack of response from the others and he wasn't afraid to let them know it.  
  
"Harry!" Professor McGonagall reprimanded him. "We're all worried about Miss Granger and Mr. Weasley. But that does not mean you have the right to be disrespectful. Calm yourself or I will be forced to take points."  
  
Harry just looked at her flabbergasted. Losing some house points was not really something he was worried about at the moment. His biggest concern was a tall, snaky guy who was holding his friends.  
  
"Mr. Potter, you will just have to control your 'hero' instincts and let the adults handle this." Snape almost growled at him.  
  
Harry just threw him a disgusted look and glanced around the room. Taking several deep breaths to calm himself, he tried to think of a way to get the headmaster to change his mind. When his eyes fell on the desk in front of him, Harry noticed a coin sitting on the edge of the table. Recognizing it as a portkey that was made earlier that year, Harry decided it would be a good idea to have it with him, just in case.  
  
All he needed was to distraction. And it arrived in the form of Madam Pomfrey.  
  
"Headmaster" a voice came from the fireplace. "Neville Longbottom just arrived in the hospital wing. He's hysterical about seeing Mr. Weasley and Miss Granger being taken away by death eaters. And he won't quite shouting about how he overheard them saying they were headed for the Shrieking Shack in order set up a trap for Mr. Potter. Should I give him a calming draught now or did you wish to speak to him first?"  
  
"I'll be there momentarily Poppy. Thank you." He turned towards Harry and looked sternly at him over his glasses.  
  
"Harry, you will go to your room and wait. We'll take care of everything. Don't worry." Yet as Harry turned around Dumbledore looked at him inquisitively. And with that everyone was dismissed and the aging man headed toward the hospital wing.  
  
Harry checked to make sure he had his wand and grabbed the emergency portkey off Dumbledore's desk when no one was looking. Now that he knew where to go, he couldn't get out fast enough. But he didn't want to arise any suspicions or the teachers would keep him from going.  
  
He took off for the Whomping Willow and with a long branch he pressed the special knot that would calm the tree. He crawled towards the gap in the roots and slid down the slope to the bottom of the low tunnel. Bending over he ran as quickly as possible towards the Shrieking Shack were his friends were being held.  
  
Without thinking, he burst through the door and found himself surrounded by several death eaters. 'Great' he thought sarcastically to himself. 'Way to charge in without a plan.' Now he was standing in front of Voldemort and his Death Eaters wondering how he was going to get out of this one. Fingering the coin in his pocket, he inched his way closer to his friends.  
  
"Harry, mate, about time you got here." Well at least Ron still had his sense of humor even in the worst situation. However Hermione was ever the voice of reason.  
  
"Harry, what are you doing here? Where are the others? Be careful!" Hermione managed to say all in one breathe. Harry just ignored them for now, his attention fully on the enemy in front of him. He felt his anger rise at the creature that had destroyed his happiness over and over again.  
  
"So, we meet again Harry Potter," the high pitched cold voice from the darkness said.  
  
"Let them go!" Harry shouted back at him in defiance.  
  
Ron and Hermione were standing tied together in the corner of the room. They had been captured by death eaters earlier that day while in Hogsmeade finally having their first date They had finally gotten around to telling each other how they felt to only end up as prisoners of their best friend's life long enemy.  
  
"My, my, Mr. Potter. One would think you have no manners." Voldemort taunted.  
  
"I have no manners for monsters like you!" Harry spat at him, holding his wand steadily in front of him.  
  
"I will have to teach you then." The Dark Lord laughed at this and the yelled out, "CRUCIO!"  
  
Harry jumped to the side trying to avoid the spell. As he fell to the floor he pulled out the coin from his pocket, pressing the center that would start a 5 second countdown and threw it towards Ron and Hermione. As it hit the floor, both of them placed a foot on it and they vanished from sight as the portkey tugged on them and returned them to Hogwarts.  
  
"NO!" Voldemort screamed as he cursed the person who was guarding them. The man in the mask screamed and fell to the ground. Harry looked up at the angry man and laughed.  
  
"What's wrong Tom?" Harry taunted, "Having problems finding good help these days? Or maybe you just really need to give up on the whole evil lord gig?" Harry braced himself the pain that was to come. And Voldemort took great pleasure in it. "CRUCIO!" he yelled, and this time Harry had nowhere to go.  
  
As the unforgivable curse hit him, Harry felt the pain strike again and wandered 'when did this become familiar.' But the pain was short lived as the sounds of fighting entered his mind. The Order of the Phoenix had come at last to help fight the dark lord and his followers. When Voldemort saw the newcomers he gave Harry one last look and apparated out of the building.  
  
Harry breathed a sigh of relief as the pain stopped and struggled to stand up to help the others out. Suddenly the air was filled with the sounds of multiple "pops" as all the deatheaters who weren't unconscious or already restrained suddenly left.  
  
Harry turned around to see Professor Dumbledore approach him. "Harry," he started, "I thought you would like to know that Ron and Hermione are okay and Madame Pomfrey is attending to them as we speak."  
  
Harry nodded his understanding, still trying to get his breath back.  
  
"However, I am very displeased with the way you decided to go off without anyone to accompany you. That was very unwise."  
  
"I'm sorry, sir." Harry replied as he looked at the ground. "I just wanted to save my friends. I guess I wasn't thinking."  
  
Dumbledore said nothing just looked at Harry with that twinkle in his eye. He nodded to him and turned to leave.  
  
"By the way," the headmaster started. "You did a good job." Harry's head shot up at the unexpected compliment and he blushed slightly.  
  
"Thank you Sir." He said, totally surprised by this unexpected reaction. 'Why isn't he more upset?' Harry wondered. 'I'll probably be in for it when we get back. Oh well, at least everyone's safe now. It will be worth any punishment I get.'  
  
"Let's go home." Dumbledore walked towards the door and Harry followed relieved that maybe this time things were going to be okay.  
  
End Flashback

* * *

'But things weren't okay.' Harry thought angrily. 'No, Voldemort just went ahead and killed other people instead of me.' Every night Harry would wake up with the pain in his head. His scar feeling like it was on fire.  
  
'At least the Occlumency is good for something.' Harry thought. He didn't get the visions anymore like he had in his fifth year so at least he didn't have to see all those people die, but he still got the occasional pain from his scar whenever Voldy was feeling extreme emotions.  
  
Every day he received a copy of the Daily Prophet listing the day's deaths and destruction. Every death hit him like a ton of bricks. As the anger he had previously had gradually turn to sadness and frustration until one day he realized that he couldn't even gather the energy to get upset any more. Once this happened, he's thoughts turned back to the day he felt was the beginning of the end for his emotions.  
  
'If only I had tried to kill him instead of concentrating on rescuing Ron and Hermione, all those people would still be alive.' The guilt was starting to tear him down. 'Why can't I end this?'  
  
Harry continued to berate himself as he walked. He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him. He didn't notice the quiet that suddenly surrounded him.  
  
He tensed abruptly when he felt a hand drop unexpectedly on his shoulder. In a panic he quickly he spun around to see...  
  
End Chapter 1

* * *

A/N: Sorry this chapter is so short. I'll make up for it with the next one. 


	2. Summer Conversations and Letters

**Dark Holes of My Heart**  
  
By: Mrs. RT.  
  
Rating: R for later chapters  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, how I wish.  
  
Warning: This story will eventually be slash; right now it's just angst.  
  
Summary: What happens when you've given up on the world, but the world won't let you go? When surprise changes forever alter his life, Harry Potter must overcome all odds and himself to save the wizarding world.  
  
A/N: I didn't want to do it because I thought I could go without. Yet, it seems even I am desperate for approval. So, now I beg. Please leave a review. Let me know just how much you love me, or whatever. Thanks.  
  
Dedication:  
To my two reviewers who were so kind as to take a moment of their time.  
Pippinsmyhobbit and toamanda thank you for your encouragement!

* * *

Chapter 2 Summer Conversations and Letters  
  
Previously:  
  
He was so engrossed in his thoughts that he didn't hear the footsteps behind him. He didn't notice the quiet that suddenly surrounded him.  
  
He tensed abruptly when he felt a hand drop unexpectedly on his shoulder. In a panic he quickly he spun around to see...

* * *

A tall man with a dark cloak, whose hood was covering his face. He couldn't tell who it was due to the dark so he jumped away from the hand that was on him with a feeling of dread that there might be danger.  
  
Harry's face was tight with fear and he reached for his wand from his back pocket. Just as he was deciding which curse to use, the mysterious man lifted his hand to his hood and pushed it back revealing the face of an old friend.  
  
Remus Lupin was standing right in front of him and he had an angry look on his face.  
  
"Harry! What in the name of Merlin are you doing out here by yourself?" He almost shouted. Feeling a sudden relief that he wasn't in danger Harry removed his hand from his wand and looked sheepishly at the man in front of him before answering.  
  
"Honestly Remus, I just needed some air. I couldn't stand being cooped up any longer."  
  
Remus stared at Harry for a while trying to decide whether to scold him for making him worry or just hug him with relief that he was alright. He decided on grabbing the boy and pulling him into a tight hug. Harry, feeling very uncomfortable with this unexpected display of affection, kept his arms hanging uselessly by his side until he was released.  
  
"Harry," Remus said with a deep sigh, "You had me worried sick."  
  
Harry just lowered his head in shame. Yet again he had let someone down, even if he didn't mean to this time. He started to apologize but the werewolf interrupted him.  
  
"What's wrong?" Remus asked. He could sense the sadness in the youth in front of him. His eyes were conveying such loneliness that Remus was surprised nobody had noticed it before. 'How could I have not seen this?' he asked himself.  
  
But Harry didn't answer his question. He just shrugged his shoulders. He didn't want to burden anyone with his sorrows. 'Not that they would have time to listen to me anyway. Always busy with the war. Why should anyone bother?' He was almost bitter with the feeling of rejection, the feeling of being at the bottom of everyone's priority list.  
  
'Except when it comes time for me to save them,' he answered his own question. 'That's when they notice me, when they care how I'm doing.' Keeping his eyes on the ground he continued his internal conversation.  
  
'Why does it figure that the only person to notice me is the one person who has just as many problems as I do?' He didn't feel right to add to the issues the kindly man had, so he decided to just not say anything.  
  
"Come on Harry." Remus continued trying to be encouraging. "You can talk to me. Please let me help you." But still nothing come out of Harry's mouth. He just stood there looking at the ground and studying the cracks like he had never seen them before.  
  
Remus noticed the tell tale signs of worry on the face of the boy, who was almost a man, in front of him. There were lines around his eyes and bags under them. He looked like he hadn't slept in a week and he was dangerously thin. 'I wonder when the last time Harry had any decent sleep was. Why isn't he taking better care of himself?' The questions ran in circles in his mind. Looking Harry over more carefully, Remus decided that he really needed to pay more attention to Harry's eating habits in the future.  
  
With that in mind, he decided to take him to get something to eat. 'Maybe some food in his system would help ease him into a better frame of mind to talk.' He had a plan now and he was anxious to start.  
  
"Let's go Harry." The ex-professor said as he reached out for Harry's arm. But Harry recoiled away from the contact. Stumbling back away from his ex- professor, Harry almost fell to the ground. He didn't want to be touched by anyone. Being touched made everything more 'real'. Things were easier to deal with for him when he felt isolated and unconnected from all the heartaches. It made all the troubles on his mind seem further away.  
  
Dropping his hand by his side Remus realized that Harry was indeed in need of some support and he started talking more calmly as he watched Harry regain his balance.  
  
"Would you like to get something to eat?" He asked him, trying to start up a conversation. His hand was absently rubbing his stomach. 'When was the last time I had something to eat myself?'  
  
"I'm not really that hungry." He replied as he turned his back away from Remus. Harry really just wanted to be alone. 'Why is he still here? Can't he take the hint that I'm not going to talk to him?'  
  
"Why don't you keep me company then?" It came out as more of an order than a request and Harry picked up on it and nodded. Facing the older man again he stepped closer to him figuring that the sooner he got started then the sooner he could leave and be alone with his thoughts. Together, as one, they started off.  
  
They walked in silence down the dark street. Harry was wondering why Remus was there and Remus was wondering what was wrong with Harry. Harry finally broke the silence first.  
  
"So what are you doing here?" he asked curiously. 'Maybe he'll have some good news for a change. Nah, he would have already said so if he did.' Remus stood still suddenly contemplating with himself. 'Should I tell Harry the truth or the lie that he promised to tell?'  
  
He must have debated a moment to long because Harry looked at him with a raised eyebrow and said in an extremely annoyed tone, "Choose the truth Remus; I've been lied to enough as it is." And with that the choice was no longer his. Remus took a deep breath and prepared himself for the worst.  
  
"It's my night to watch you," he said in his quiet voice. He watched to the storm of emotions go across Harry's face.  
  
"What!" Harry exclaimed. He felt an old spark of anger come back to him. Remus raised up his hands in a gesture of surrender.  
  
"Now calm down a moment and let me explain." He was relieved though to finally see some sign of life in Harry's eyes, even if it wasn't under the best circumstances.  
  
"Each member of the Order is given a shift to keep an eye on you. We aren't supposed to let you know that we're here. We just want you safe. So when you went off by yourself I had to follow you. You looked like you needed to talk to someone, so I thought I would offer you my services." He gave Harry a quick little smile.  
  
Harry, however, was digesting this new piece of information. He wasn't surprised too badly to find out that the Order was keeping an eye on him. He was just disappointed that they felt they had to keep it a secret.  
  
"So, they're watching me." Not really a question as much as a statement. 'Afraid to lose their only hope and best weapon' he thought bitterly. 'Figures' and with that the tiny spark of life in his eyes faded away to be replaced with the emptiness he had earlier.  
  
Remus watched this change with growing concern. The feeling of hopelessness emanating from Harry was almost palpable. 'I've got to do something' he thought desperately, 'anything to him get through this.' Remus could understand some of the pressure Harry was under, and he swore he would do anything to help ease it.  
  
"They really care about you, even if they're doing a bad job of showing it right now. You must have faith, Harry." Remus decided it was definitely time for some quality talking.  
  
"Come on, I know this nice little place down the way here that has some wonderful tea." So they continued walking, again in an uncomfortable silence, until they reached the all night diner. Once they got there Harry watched on as Remus removed his cloak to reveal a normal set of muggle clothing underneath. He proceeded to shrink his cloak and place it in his pocket. Next he slide his wand up his sleeve and with a smile on his face he looked just like every other muggle that could have been there.  
  
They had arrived at a small hole in the wall place that looked like it had seen better days in the last world war. There were cracks in the walls and the chairs looked like they would fall apart if you sat in them too hard.  
  
The wallpaper on the walls was some tacky flower design and parts if it had been peeled away. Even the customers looked like they'd had better days themselves and that if you said anything to them they might also collapse.  
  
Harry gave Remus a sideways glace and was beginning to question his sanity. Noticing the look the older man defended his choice of venue.  
  
"Yes, I know it's a little run down." Harry smirked at him and asked, "A little?"  
  
"Okay, it's a lot run down, but I know the owner and feel comfortable here. Plus, it's not a place any self respecting death eater would enter. So I figured it's a great place." This last part was said with a smile and a wink.  
  
The younger man just shrugged. "Can't argue with those reasons, but are you sure the food here's safe to eat?" And he scrunched up his nose and stuck out his tongue in a gesture that seemed to remind Remus of when Harry was still young and mostly carefree.  
  
The waitress appeared and led them to a table in the back of the 'restaurant.' Once they were seated in the quiet corner, Remus ordered himself a small tea and a scone. Harry decided it was easier to just follow suit.  
  
They sat for couple of minutes, neither really sure what they should say, when the waitress reappeared with their orders. Grateful for something to place in his hands Harry reached for his cup of tea happily.  
  
Sipping his tea, and glancing around, Harry took a deep breath and sighed. 'Maybe it wouldn't be such a bad idea to talk to him a little. It's not like its going to hurt anything. However, how much do I really want anyone to know? What if he thinks I'm being stupid or overreacting? I don't know if I could deal with the pity or sympathy.'  
  
Remus, on the other hand, was trying to figure out how to get Harry to open up and talk a little. 'Maybe I should start with simple questions. School and such should be a good start.'  
  
"So, Harry, how's your summer going?" Remus asked tentatively he facing betraying his nervousness.  
  
Harry looked at him incredulously. "What don't you guys have to put in nightly reports or something?" This question got a small laugh out of the Order member until he saw the serious expression on Harry's face.  
  
Remus just shook his head and pressed his lips together. 'Okay, that was a bad idea. Let's try a different approach.'  
  
"I'm sorry, maybe that wasn't the best thing to ask you. Why don't you tell about what you learned in school this past year?"  
  
"Does it really matter?" Harry responded dejectedly. He started tearing his napkin into small pieces and watched them fall to the floor.  
  
"Harry, of course it matters. You've got your whole life ahead of you and you need to be prepared." This of course was the wrong thing to say as Harry's head shot up and he pounded his fist on the table.  
  
"Are you mad?" Harry was tempted to yell. "My whole life consists of either destroying Voldemort or being killed by him. Either way, there's not much of a life for me. I'll be dead or I'll be a murderer."  
  
"What are you talking about Harry?" Remus was confused by this. He was glad they were in a corner where no one could accidentally overhear this conversation. Why did Harry think he was going to either kill or be killed?  
  
"Didn't Dumbledore tell you?"  
  
Remus shook his head; he had no idea what Harry was going to say.  
  
"No, of course he didn't. He loves to keep his secrets." Harry was feeling frustrated by how much information Dumbledore seemed to keep from everyone. Even those who were suppose to be his most trusted associates.  
  
"Anyway, the prophesy that we fought for at the Ministry, the one we sacrificed Sirius for, states that only one of us may live, and since he's so much stronger than I am my money's on him." As he finished speaking his eyes started to tear up again, but he stubbornly refused to cry anymore. He knew how it was all going to end and he was resigned to what he felt was he fate.  
  
Remus didn't blink when Harry mentioned Sirius; he knew that now was not the time to open that old wound. Yet he didn't know what to say to this. How do you argue against that? Voldemort was very strong and he was getting more so every day. This was no secret. But for Harry to have such a defeatist attitude about it was not an encouraging thing.  
  
Remus was confused. 'Why didn't Dumbledore tell anybody about this prophesy? How can we help Harry prepare if we're left in the dark?'  
  
He didn't know anything about this prophesy but if this was the basis for which Harry was dictating his future on, he wanted to have more information. Harry was already upset enough about it.  
  
Trying to ease some of his concerns Remus started to point out some positive things to him.  
  
"You're still young Harry. You have time still to train and learn. You will get stronger as you grow older. I'm sure when and if the time comes; you will be able to handle yourself. I have faith in you."  
  
Harry sighed in defeat. Whether he realized it or not, Remus just helped add to the weight already on his shoulders. 'Don't they understand that I don't want to save the world? That I'm not strong enough to do it? Why can't they choose someone else to be their hero?"  
  
Realizing he wasn't helping Harry with this prophesy issue, he decided it was time to change the topic. Closing his eyes and taking a stab in the dark, he randomly picked a subject.  
  
"So are you seeing anyone?" he asked the first thing to come to mind. 'Opps, never ask a young man about any potential girlfriends.' He was about to ask something else when Harry surprised him by actually decided to answer.  
  
"Not very likely!" He spat out sarcastically and looked up again at the older man.  
  
"Why not?" Remus asked shock etched his face at this response. "After all you're a good looking guy. I'm sure you've got the girls lined up for miles like every other teenager."  
  
He chuckled in spite of himself. He remembered that James, Harry's father, always had a group of girls he was keeping an eye on. Until that one day he finally noticed Lilly. He returned his thoughts back to Harry.  
  
"I want to have a normal life with dates and parties" Harry complained resentfully placing his face in his hands. "I want to complain about homework and tests but I can't. I've got to save the world. And until that happens, I can't afford to be normal, because the moment I let my guard down, the moment I try to behave like it's not happening, the war comes back to haunt me and slaps me in the face.  
  
Harry took a deep breath and continued. Now that he had started he couldn't stop.  
  
"But most of all, I want to have someone to love. And to have that someone love me, but it's not possible. Besides I'm not even sure what love is." He said this last part in a soft voice. This was probably the thing that hurt the most. He felt unlovable and incapable of loving.  
  
Remus was shocked to the core. "My God Harry. How could you think that you can't love? You have tons of people who love you and I know you feel the same about them. What about Ron and Hermione and rest of the Weasley family? Molly, Arthur, the twins and Ginny. They all love you."  
  
"But it's not the same as having that one special person."  
  
"Oh, I see. Do you have someone special in mind? Does she have a name?" His face brightened with the thought that maybe Harry could find someone out there.  
  
Harry glanced around the room again this time to make sure there wasn't anyone around who could overhear. He wasn't sure how to tell Remus his dark secret. How was he going to react? Would he stop talking to him? Or would he just consider him a 'freak'. He was so tired of hearing that word.  
  
"No, Remus. I don't have anyone special in mind. I really don't think I'm all that interested in girls. After that horrible incident with Cho Chang, I think I've been turned off from girls completely."  
  
Remus wasn't sure he understood what he was hearing. What was Harry trying to tell him? He wasn't sure if it would make him uncomfortable to ask anything directly so he just tried another approach.  
  
"Do you think that maybe you just haven't found the right girl for you?"  
  
Harry took another deep breath. 'I should just say it and get it over with. After all, he's not likely to jump up and down, point a finger at me and scream 'look at the freak everyone!''  
  
"Remus, please don't be disappointed. And don't be angry. But I think I may be..." he hesitated for a moment, closed his eyes and tried again. "I think I may be...gay." The last word coming out in such a low whisper, that if Remus didn't have very sensitive hearing, he wouldn't have heard it at all.  
  
"Harry, what makes you think you may be gay?" he asked rather calmly or so Harry thought. Opening his eyes again and looking at the man who was the last link to his parents, he searched his face a moment trying to decide what to say.  
  
Sitting up straighter in his chair and wiping his brow with the back of his hand he took a deep breath to prepare himself. Swallowing hard he started to explain the situation to him. He could feel a small source of heat on his cheeks as he fought down his embarrassment.  
  
"Well, there is the whole I don't like girls thing, plus that fact that they do nothing for me." And at this point the blush was starting to overcome his face. "Yet the kicker could be that I'm just attracted to guys more." Now he was really turning red and he looked down at the floor to try to hide it.  
  
Remus, at the same time was trying very hard not to laugh at the boys' bashfulness. At the same time, he was greatly relieved that Harry could go from despair to embarrassment at all. So keeping his almost parental instincts under control he decided to go with the fun factor.  
  
He smiled cheerfully at Harry. "So, I guess I should ask you if you have some special 'boy' in mind."  
  
"No. I don't." came the rough reply and suddenly the mood was shattered as Harry began to look upset again. "I can't have a regular girlfriend without it being front page news. Can you imagine what the Prophet would say if they found out about this? I have to keep this a secret and even if I didn't there still wouldn't be anyone out there for me. It's just too dangerous."  
  
Remus nodded. Yes, the reporters would have a field day with this. They would either set him up as the poster boy of homosexuality, or they would destroy him as a freak of nature. It could go either way. But he didn't believe for a second that there wasn't anyone out there for him and he told him so.  
  
"Harry, I know, that there is someone special waiting for you. He's probably just under you nose. You just have to look around and discover him."  
  
Harry looked up in surprise at the older man. He was taking this so much better than he ever had thought and this helped ease some of the worry he had. 'If Remus can take it this well, maybe the others will to.' He was actually feeling hopeful about it but he quickly stifled it.  
  
"Thanks, Remus. This means a lot to me. I was so worried that you would be upset and decide you wouldn't want anything to do with me anymore."  
  
"I will always be here for you Harry; you know that; no matter what." 'No matter what' he swore to himself.  
  
"Let's get you home. It's getting late." So Remus got up to pay the bill and left a tip for the waitress on the table.  
  
Taking their time, they walked back together to Privet Drive in silence once again, but this time, unlike the last, the silence was comfortable.

* * *

Summer continued at a snails' pace, the agonizing heat, unwanted, a lot like an unwanted visitor who wouldn't leave. Eventually, Harry found himself looking up at the calendar and with a shock realized that his birthday was in just two days.  
  
'Finally' he thought with relief. 'I'll finally be an adult and I won't ever have to return to this place again. I'll be free.'  
  
"And then what?" He asked Hedwig as his hand caressed her white feathers. "As great as it will be to be free of here, where will I go after Hogwarts? What am I going to do with myself?"  
  
Harry had already decided that he didn't want to continue with the auror training. "I've seen more than my share of death and violence. I want to have something more, something better. I just don't know what that is."  
  
He continued stroking the soft feathers, not realizing how much better he felt as he was doing this or how peaceful he was at that moment, even with the heavy thoughts of the future on his mind.  
  
"Maybe, someday, I'll figure it all out. Obviously, that won't be today, huh girl?" he asked the owl. She just nipped at his ear affectionately and flew out the bedroom window.  
  
Harry watched her go wistfully. "I miss flying. That'll be one good thing about going back, Quidditch." Finally he took a deep breath and went to the old desk. "Might as well finish this essay for Snape," and grabbing a quill and some parchment he proceeded to write.

* * *

Over the past few weeks Remus had made a point of visiting and trying to bring Harry out of his funk, as he liked to call it. But no matter what he said or what he did, he just couldn't seem to reach the green-eyed boy. He decided it was time to bring in the reinforcements.

* * *

Sitting on his bed, Harry's eyes were glued to his watch as he counted down the minutes to midnight.  
  
'3 minutes to go' he thought to himself. 'I wonder how I'll handle all that responsibility of being an adult.' He smirked to himself at that thought. 'Responsibility.' Even in his own mind his voice was sarcastic. He looked down again at his watch. "2 minutes left." He said aloud this time.  
  
He stood up and walked over to the window and opened it quietly. This was much easier to do since the bars had been removed just before his second year. "The good old days." He said to the darkness a little wistfully. "Life was so much simpler then."  
  
Reaching for something to feed the owls that would soon arrive, he glanced down again at his wrist to see that he now had less than a minute. He started to countdown the remaining seconds.  
  
"Ten...nine...eight...seven...six...five...four...three...two...one...beep...midnight! Happy Birthday to ME!" Harry looked up excitedly as three owls came through the window.  
  
Hedwig brought the first letter and Pig brought one he presumed was from Ron. The third owl, well it looked more like an eagle owl than a regular post owl, it brought the medium sized box.  
  
Quickly he relieved the owls of their letters and one box marked to him and he feed them each a small treat. "Thank goodness for such good friends." He thought fondly of Ron and Hermione. "Otherwise, I don't think anyone would notice my birthday." He sat down on his bed with a flop.  
  
He was about to open the first letter when he hear the unmistakable sound of a phoenix's song. Looking up he noticed Fawkes coming through the window with a single envelope attached to his leg. The magnificent bird flew directly to Harry and landed on his leg. Stroking the phoenix gently on the back with one hand, he removed the letter with his other.  
  
As soon as he was relieved of his burden, Fawkes let out a soft melody and flew out the window again. Harry watched him go with peacefulness in his heart that he hadn't felt for a while. Smiling to himself, he set his fingers to the task of opening the letter.  
  
Opening the envelope he noticed the handwriting of the Hogwarts Headmaster, Albus Dumbledore. Pulling a small key off the bottom of the letter, he then sat on the edge of his bed and read it. The smile that he had was suddenly replaced with a tight frown. He was then forced to re-read it a second time when he realized what it said._Dear Harry,  
  
First I would like to chance to say 'Happy Birthday.' This is indeed a monumental occasion for you. Today, you will have reached a new level in life and you are to begin embarking on the adventure that is adulthood. Second, I'm sure you have noticed the key that come with this letter. Guard it well for it holds the answer to a secret. One I will reveal to you when I see you next. Please do not attempt to use this key for anything but its original purpose. Until then, best wishes on this happy day.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School  
  
_He threw the letter across the room in frustration. "What now?" he demanded from the ceiling. "What precious secret is he hiding from me this time?" Determined not to let this get to him anymore, Harry got up and placed the key under the floorboard with his other prized possessions. He reached for the other letters that he had received.  
  
The second letter he read was from Tonks. The young auror with the ever changing hair could make even her letter sound excited. _Harry,  
  
Happy Birthday big man! I thought for your special day we'd go out and pick up some new rags. Maybe do lunch at the new restaurant? I'll see you first thing in the morning. How about 9? Be ready to go...  
  
Tonks  
_Harry smiled as he read the letter. A day out of his prison, even if it was with the slightly clumsy woman, was a welcome. Placing the letter on his bed, he reached for the last one. _Harry,  
  
Hey, mate, guess what? Hermione and I decided to send you a letter together. She's staying the rest of the summer here at HQ and it's been loads of fun. We decided not to send your presents now since we'll see you tonight for your surprise party. Opps. I wasn't supposed to tell. Ouch! Herm just smacked me on the arm. Man is she vicious. Anyway, act surprised when you get here tonight or mum will kill me. She's been working hard to get everything ready. Anyway, Happy Birthday! How's it feel to be an adult? Pretty cool, huh? Well here's Hermione.  
  
Harry,  
  
Happy Birthday! I'm so excited that we get to see you. It's been so quiet around here. I hope you like your presents. We weren't sure what to get you, so it should be interesting to see what you think of it.  
  
We'll have to talk when you get here. I have so much to share with you. Have you done your homework yet?  
  
With love, Ron and Hermione.  
  
P.S. Hey, guess what, you can now do magic at home! No more owls from the ministry.  
_

Harry looked at the remaining item he had received. The box was wrapped in plain paper and didn't have a note attached to it. He continued looking at it for a moment before curiosity got the better of him. Picking up the medium sized box, Harry brought it to his ear to check for any suspicious noises. When he didn't hear any he opened it cautiously. His eyes widened completely when he saw what was inside.  
  
Reaching into the box he pulled out a golden snitch. "Wow!" he exclaimed to the empty room. He held it tightly in his hand and with his other hand pulled out the smaller box that was sitting next to the snitch.  
  
"This looks like a storage box or something. This is great. My very own snitch" Turning it in circles he noticed an engraving. "H.P." "Awesome!" This was by far one of the best gifts he had ever received.  
  
He looked again in the box for any sign of a note or something that might tell who the gift was from. But there was nothing. "Curious." He said to Hedwig who just looked at him affectionately. "Who would send me something but not leave a note to tell me who they were?"  
  
He decided to worry about it later. After all, he had a big day ahead of him and he needed some rest. Placing the snitch in the holding box and putting it under the floorboard, Harry finally crawled into bed and fell asleep.

* * *

He knew he was dreaming.  
  
Something in the back of his mind told him, but that didn't stop him from feeling any less terrified.  
  
Darkness was everywhere and he strained to see the area around him. There was no light anywhere. There was only a sense of emptiness and being in a very large room.  
  
Harry lifted his hand to reach out for something to hold onto. Some proof that the emptiness wasn't there. That there was something, anything, just out of reach  
  
And there was something out there. A presence, an evil presence and it made his skin crawl and sent goose bumps over his arms. He rubbed his arms gently trying to rid himself of the chill.  
  
He didn't know why he felt his heart suddenly begin to race or his palms start to sweat. All he knew was the overwhelming sense of fear. It grabbed his soul and he couldn't break free.  
  
He searched his pockets for his wand but it was nowhere to be found. Panicking now, he bent down to try to find something, anything, which might serve to protect him. There was nothing to be found. His breathing suddenly became shallow as he spun in circles looking for a way out, an escape.  
  
Finally in the distance he saw a small beam of light. A sense of relief flooded through him. The chance to finally be able to see what was scaring him so much was here, to be able to face the evil he knew was waiting for him. He ran towards the light when he started to feel dizzy. Just as he was about to reach the light, he fell hard on the ground.  
  
He sat there on his knees frantically trying to catch his breath so he could run to the light. Keeping his eyes on his target he shook his head to try to calm down. Once he was sure he was calmer he looked around again. Except for the beam of light there was still nothing but the crushing weight of dark emptiness. Quickly he looked again to make sure the light was still there. It was. A sigh a relief came rushing out of his mouth, until he noticed it. Then his breathing stopped.  
  
"A mirror?" he asked out loud a little breathlessly. "What's that doing here?" He got slowly to his feet feeling confused. He slowly walked towards the light and the mysterious mirror. Looking around the rest of the space he still could see nothing but the eternal darkness which gave him only one way to go.  
  
Harry didn't like the feeling he was getting, like he was being herded towards something. And that something wasn't going to end up being good. He knew then that the mirror was the source of the evil presence he had felt before.  
  
"Just go." He urged himself. But again, the fear seized his soul. His feet froze to the ground and his breathing hitched. "I can't." He was almost whining. "I can't go any closer."  
  
Go look...a voice echoed from the darkness. Go see your destiny.  
  
"No, I can't!" Harry's voice was desperate now as he hollered into the shadows. "Please, don't make me."  
  
Go now before it's too late. The mysterious voice was still urging him forward.  
  
Gathering all of his courage, Harry took a step. One step after another drew him closer to the mirror. "Oh, don't be another Erised. I've really had it with magic mirrors." His courage was returning slowly.  
  
Finally reaching the mirror, Harry took a deep breath, stepped right in front of it and looked.  
  
His courage evaporated.  
  
And then he started screaming...  
  
End Chapter 2

* * *

A/N: So I'll beg one more time, please review and say something honestly. I can take it, I'm a big girl. Thanks. 


	3. Happy Birthday Harry Potter!

**Dark Holes of My Heart**  
  
By: Mrs. RT.  
  
Rating: R  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, how I wish. Maybe I'll get lucky with Power ball.  
  
Pairing: HP/DM  
  
Warning: This will eventually be slash. If you don't like it, keep reading. I might be able to change your mind. Angst, angst, and more angst. Beware the warning. This is your last warning.  
  
Summary: What happens when you've given up on the world, but the world won't let you go? When surprise changes forever alter his life, Harry Potter must overcome all odds and himself to save the wizarding world.  
  
A/N: This takes place after Harry's 6th year.  
  
**Dedication:** to my beta toamanda who is single-handily trying to keep the medical profession in business. Here's to your quick recovery! You're the best. – Michelle  
  
PREVIOUSLY:  
  
Finally reaching the mirror, Harry took a deep breath and looked.  
  
Then he started screaming...

* * *

**Chapter 3**  
  
Happy Birthday, Harry Potter

He was still screaming when he woke up in a cold sweat. Grabbing his glasses from the bedside table he quickly put them on and sat up. He looked around his room desperate to make sure everything was as it should be.  
  
"QUIET!" Uncle Vernon's voice came from down the hall like a train wreck.  
  
Harry took several deep breaths trying to calm himself. He was shaking badly and wrapped his arms around his waist to try to stop it. Tears were falling from his eyes and he realized he was crying again he wiped them away with the back of his hand.  
  
"Okay, okay." He chanted. "It was just a nightmare, nothing else. Just a nightmare." And he repeated this over and over as he rocked himself back and forth on his bed. He kept rocking and chanting until he felt his breathing slow and shaking stop.  
  
Looking over at his watch he saw that it was almost 6:30. Realizing that he wasn't going to get any more sleep, he decided to start getting ready. Grabbing some clothes he went to the bathroom to shower and get dressed.  
  
Feeling much better after a hot shower and having clean clothes on, Harry slowly made his way towards the kitchen. The Dursleys were already there eating and Dudley had finally remembered to feed Killer the kitten for once without being told. Aunt Petunia stood next to the stove with her nose in the air looking at him like he was an ugly bug on her floor that was just begging to be stepped on.  
  
"You" she started haughty, "will have to find yourself something else to eat. Be sure to clean up the kitchen when you're finished."  
  
"Yes, Aunt Petunia." Harry said in his best submissive voice. 'As if I care.' He thought quietly. 'Oh yea, Tonks.' He suddenly remembered his soon to be visitor.  
  
"By the way," Harry started with a pause trying to break it to them gently. "Tonks is coming to pick me up around 9. We should be gone all day."  
  
Vernon replied with a gruff. "Like we care if you're gone or not. If you're leaving why don't you stay gone? After everything we've done for you, you could at least do us the favor of leaving as soon as possible."  
  
Harry just looked at him in disgust, like he had a choice about being here in the first place. He quickly tried to make his face blank, but his uncle catch sight of his look.  
  
"Who do you think you are looking at me like that, you good for nothing freak!" Vernon bellowed at him as he started to raise himself up from the chair.  
  
Biting the inside of his mouth so he wouldn't say what he initially wanted to, he eventually got an apology out.  
  
"I'm sorry Uncle Vernon. I'm grateful to you for letting me stay here." He resisted the urge to roll his eyes. 'And I so enjoyed being your slave and unwanted house pest,' He thought sarcastically.  
  
"Fine, just be sure you never do it again." And with that he finished his ascent from the chair and left for work.

* * *

Harry sat on the couch by the front door waiting for the arrival of Tonks. It was now 10 till and he hoped she didn't have any problems on her trip in.  
  
A sudden knock at the door startled him out of his stupor and Harry quickly jumped up to open the door.  
  
"Wotcher, Harry!" Tonks exclaimed as she patted him on the back enthusiastically. "Happy Birthday!"  
  
"Thank you Tonks," replied Harry a little uneasy. He still wasn't use to having his birthday acknowledged no less celebrated, even though his friends tried to make it special. He had too many bad memories of years of unfulfilled wishes made in the dark.  
  
Tonks came into the room with her usually finesse. Meaning she instantly knocked over the lamp on her way in.  
  
"Sorry about that." She said as she reached down to pick it up. "So are you about ready to go?"  
  
"Oh, yes." Harry replied. He really wanted to get away from the house and he was in need of something pleasant to help shake off the nightmare that was still making itself known in the back of his mind.  
  
She handed him an old mug and he grabbed it lightly. "Do you have your wand?" She asked him suddenly.  
  
"Yes. I carry it at all times."  
  
"Good. You can't go anywhere unprotected these days. Okay, let's go." And when each of them had a hold of the mug, she gently spoke the word that would activate the portkey. "Birthday."  
  
Harry struggled to keep his breakfast down as the familiar pull of the portkey grabbed his navel and he suddenly found himself falling to the ground in the middle of Diagon Alley.  
  
Brushing off his robes as he stood up, and pushing his glasses back up on his nose, Harry looked around quickly to see where they were. Directly in front of him was one of his favorite places, "Quality Quidditch Supplies."  
  
"We definitely have to go in there today." He said to Tonks as he looked into the window to check out the newest brooms. "Tonks?" he asked looking around for the pink-haired woman.  
  
"Over here, Harry!" she exclaimed from behind him. Tonks was currently looking in the window of Eeylops. "I could really use an owl." She remarked. "I always have to borrow one. It might be nice for a change to get my letters off all at the same time." She smiled to herself as she checked over the owls. "Yes, maybe for Christmas." She pulled herself away from the owls and returned to Harry.  
  
"So, Gringotts first?" She asked with a bounce of her hair. Her face was one big smile. It had been awhile since she had a fun day out and she planned to make the most of it, even if it was hot enough outside to boil water.  
  
"I'm going to need some money to pay for all these school supplies." Harry replied. Dumbledore had sent out school letters earlier than normal this year. Due to the war, it was decided that having that many students in one place at the same time was an unnecessary risk. Most of the parents agreed with him. Of course, having aurors stationed around in unobtrusive spots, in case of an emergency, helped keep everyone's mind at ease.  
  
"So, I was thinking we should get everything at once, that way no one is bothered with bringing me back here again," explained Harry. He really didn't want to bother anyone, not with the war and everyone being worried about family members.  
  
"Okay then. Let's go!" and she proceeded to lead the way to the goblin-ran (run) bank.  
  
Walking down the long hallway towards the goblin at the high desk, Harry was reminded of the first time he was here. Even after 6 years the place hadn't changed much. There were still hundreds of goblins busy counting and weighing out money, and Harry was sure that there were more doors now then there were before.  
  
Shaking his head and forcing his attention to where he was going, Harry walked confidently up to the counter and pulled out his key.  
  
"I need to make a withdrawal." He said to the grumpy looking goblin. The goblin in question just wrinkled up his nose and called for someone to lead them.  
  
"Griphook!" He called out and another goblin came wobbling towards them.  
  
"Tonks," Harry turned his head to see her standing discreetly behind him, "that's the same goblin who showed me to my vault the very first time I was here. Isn't that strange?"  
  
"Not really Harry. Certain goblins specialize in helping specific customers. Looks like you're one of the lucky ones." She smiled at him and gave him slight tap on shoulders. "Let's get going. I can't wait to go riding in one of the carts."  
  
Harry normally enjoyed the wild cart rides that he was able to go on whenever he came to take out money, yet this time, he couldn't shake the feeling that he wouldn't be able to enjoy this again in the future.  
  
"Come on Harry!" Tonks said as she followed Griphook through a side door and into the cart.  
  
"Vault number 687, please." Harry requested politely as he stepped into the cart and placed his hands on the sides. Holding on tightly as the cart proceeded to move forward on its winding path; Harry took a moment to relish the feeling of the cold air on his face. With the heat still baking everyone outside, the cool air of the underground caverns was a welcomed reprieve.  
  
Finally arriving at his vault, he took out his key and handed it to the helpful guide. When the small creature opened the door, Harry stepped inside to grab some money. He was reaching for some Galleons when it struck him that something was off.  
  
"Do you see something different here?" he asked the auror who was still standing in the cart.  
  
"What do mean Harry?" She called back at him.  
  
"Something's not the same. I just can't put my finger on what it is." He looked around again for a moment, then deciding that it couldn't be that important, he grabbed a handful of coins and placed them in his money bag. He thought about everything he wanted to get that day and not being sure if he had enough, he grabbed another handful just to be safe.  
  
"Okay, let's go." And he turned back towards the door and stepped into the cart with Tonks.  
  
"Did you get enough money for you're things Harry?" she asked him as she watched the goblin close and lock the door to his vault.  
  
"I think so. But I've decided that I'll just pay for my own things, if you don't mind. I really don't like being a burden to anyone and besides, I think I've got enough to cover it." He looked imploringly at her. He really didn't want anyone to go out of their way just for him.  
  
Tonks looked at the boy in front of her and considered what he said. Finally decided on something she nodded her head and spoke up. "Okay, if that's how you want it. But, I insist that lunch be my birthday treat for you. And if you give me a hard time about it, I might remember something my father told me. It went along the lines of birthday spankings and a pinch to grow an inch. And believe me Harry, you could use a few inches." She laughed as she said this and looked down at the shorter boy.  
  
Harry just grinned at her and informed her, "Hey, not everyone can be as tall as Ron. And you can just get those thoughts of spankings right out of your head. Like, right now."  
  
Tonks laughed and suddenly grabbed a hold of the cart as they were whisked on their way towards the surface and the front doors.  
  
Ready for anything now, the two stepped out of the bank and onto the busy street of Diagon Alley.  
  
They walked together to their next stop at Madam Malkin's Robes for All Occasions. Harry's robes were in serious need of replacement, especially since he hadn't bought any new ones since fifth year.  
  
Looking around the shop, he was once again caught up in memories of his first time here. Remembering how new and exciting everything once. And oddly enough, remember the first time he laid his eyes on his arch nemesis, Draco Malfoy, here in this very spot. Shaking his head to clear away the bad memories, Harry walked over to the racks to pick out some robes.  
  
After a trying on different sizes and colors for his dress robes, Harry grabbed Tonks by the arm, paid for his clothes, and walked steadily out the front door.  
  
"Did you notice anything different about Madam Malkin?" Harry asked her as he stepped out the door.  
  
"What do you mean?" she replied trying not to give away anything.  
  
"She seemed a little tense. She kept looking at me strangely. I'm not sure what that was all about." He stopped walking and looked directly at her. "What's going on?"  
  
"I don't know yet, but I'm sure we'll find out sooner or later." Not completely satisfied with that answer, he nodded and continued walking to their next stop.  
  
They entered the store next door to pick up Harry's schoolbooks. "Do you have your list?" Tonks asked Harry as they entered Flourish & Blott's.  
  
"Yes." He replied as he pulled his school letter out of his pocket.  
  
"Let's see. I need the Standard Book of Spells Grade 7, Advanced Transfiguration, Advanced Defense, Moste Potente Potions..." He stopped there. 'That was the book with the polyjuice potion in it. What a nightmare that was.' He thought back on his second year when he, Ron and Hermione had made the potion in the girls' laboratory to change into Crabbe and Goyle to find out if Malfoy knew who the Heir of Slytherin was.  
  
Harry stopped his reminiscing and brought his attention back to his school list.  
  
"Alright, what else? There's a note on the bottom." He glanced at it and handed the letter to Tonks.  
  
"Recommended Reading?" she asked out loud. "What's this for?" The letter suggested 'Wandless magic the Dos and Don'ts' and 'Occlumency for Dummies'. She laughed at the title of the second book.  
  
"They can't be serious about these last two." She said to Harry as they walked around the store. It was still cramped with books leaning in tall piles that went in every which direction.  
  
"Well, I'd better get them just to be on the safe side." He stretched up to grab one of the titles from a tall stack.  
  
"Hey, at least we don't have to worry about finding any books that changes titles on us." Last years Defense teacher assigned them the "Hidden in Plain Sight-- Defenses against the Dark Arts."  
  
And the students couldn't locate the book because it kept changing its title and was suddenly called something else. It made for some interesting class periods when students had to explain about their missing texts.  
  
Harry roamed the store a little bit more looking for his remaining titles. He found himself standing at the bottom of a staircase where he recalled running into Lucius Malfoy for the first time and him slipping Tom Riddle's diary into Ginny Weasley's cauldron.  
  
Harry stopped himself at that point and looked around curiously. 'Why do I keep thinking about Malfoy?' He asked himself. 'Am I that bored that I need someone to argue with? Or maybe I just need a distraction? Yep, that's it. I'm bored.'  
  
He looked around to find Tonks and rushed over to her side. "I think we've got everything. Why don't we get going?" He walked up to the register to pay for his books. After he handed over the money he asked for a bag to put them in and rushed out of the store.  
  
Tonks just shook her head. "Teenagers! Always in a hurry," and she giggled to herself lightly.

* * *

"I'm hungry," Harry started to whine a few minutes later. Tonks looked at him excitedly.  
  
"Great! Let's go check out the new restaurant." She led him to the new place with a quick skip in her step.  
  
"I hear that the food here is excellent." She rambled on. "I can't wait to try it."  
  
They entered the restaurant and waited for someone to show them to their seats.  
  
Harry looked around at the obviously expensive restaurant and felt a little out of place as he was still in his old worn out robes. He noticed that people were staring at him again. Trying to ignore the looks that were being sent his way, he quickly sat down at the table and picked up a large menu to hide behind.  
  
"So, what do you want to try?" Tonks asked as she also picked up the menu.  
  
"I'm not sure. What do you think?" He flipped through the pages of the menu trying to decipher some of the strange words. Most of them looked like they were in some made up language.  
  
"Maybe we should just ask the waiter for today's special?" she seemed just as unsure about what to order as Harry was.  
  
"Sounds like a good idea." He replied as he put the menu down, until he noticed that there were still people looking at him. "Maybe we should go someplace else?" he asked timidly. He didn't want to upset his companion, but the looks were starting to make him wish he'd stayed at the Dursleys.  
  
"Nonsense, this is going to be great." She obviously didn't notice what was going on around her.  
  
Harry sighed and did his best to ignore the other customers. When the waiter finally returned for their order, he just let Tonks order for him. They sat in silence for a while until Tonks decided to ask what was wrong.  
  
"What's on you mind Harry?" she looked at him with a concerned look on her face.  
  
"Why are all of these people staring at me? What do they want?" He was starting to get paranoid. Soon he would be sounding like Mad Eye Moody with shouts of "Constant Vigilance!" coming from his mouth.  
  
She looked around and noticed the looks that were coming from the others. Sighing she decided it was time to let him know about what the Daily Prophet had been writing about him.  
  
"I don't want to be the one who tells you about this, but someone has to. It's seems the Prophet has been writing about you again. They've been saying that since your survived You-know-who once, that maybe you could do it again. They just need to believe that someone can save them." She paused for a moment not sure if she should continue or not. Since he didn't say anything she went on.  
  
"Well, Harry, you know how people are." She started silently. "Everyone's upset about the war and they really just want it to be over. Everyone's lost loved ones and I guess they're hoping you can do something about it." She finished this a little unsure about whether or not she should have said anything.  
  
Harry just looked at her with understanding. What he had of a good mood vanished and he nodded to her. "I know Tonks. I know that want me to save them all. I just can't."  
  
There didn't seem much more that could be said so they sat in silence until the food came. Eating quickly to escape the uncomfortable situation, both Harry and Tonks focused on finishing lunch and getting on with their day.  
  
They paid the, in Harry's mind, overpriced check, and left the restaurant. Neither sure if they would ever return to the place.  
  
The rest of the day was spent roaming from store to store, picking up school items and on Tonks part, making a wish list for things she wanted in the future, although she did notice him looking at the tattoo parlor.  
  
By the time they reached the Leaky Cauldron it was getting close to dinner time. Tonks decided to tell Harry about the plans for the rest of the evening.  
  
"Harry, I know it's supposed to be a surprise, but everyone is getting together for a special dinner for you tonight. I hope you're okay with that." She looked down at the street as she said this unsure how the boy would react.  
  
"I know Tonks, its okay. Let's just go and get this over with." Harry really wasn't feeling up to visiting his friends knowing that they would be cheerful and happy while he wasn't feeling that way at all. Screwing up his feelings and shoulders, he walked purposefully to the fireplace.  
  
"Let's do this." He said determinedly. He looked around to make sure nobody was listening. When he felt confident about not being overheard he whispered, "12 Grimmauld Place" as he threw the floo powder into the fire and stepped in.  
  
Tonks, tripping slightly on the rug, followed him quickly, hoping against hope that Harry would enjoy the party once it got started.

* * *

Harry stumbled out of the fireplace of 12 Grimmauld Place wondering if his day could get any worse.  
  
'At least I know what's going to jump out at me this time,' he thought with a grimace as he wiped the soot off of his robes. He stepped forward in order to give Tonks a chance to step out of the place he just came from.  
  
"Blimey, Harry! I'll never be able to floo properly again." She exclaimed as she fell to the floor. Harry looked over at her sprawled out on all fours with packages spilled around her and let out a small laugh.  
  
The small grin that stretched on the clumsy woman's face was enough to help Harry lift himself out of his depression and into an almost 'normal' mood. He reached over and stretched out a hand to help her up.  
  
"Let's go face the music," he said with a smile. And he put is arm around hers and together they walked towards the kitchen door. Stomping loudly to announce their presence, the pair split up and opened the door. Tonks went in first with Harry right behind her. There was nothing to prepare him for the sight that met his eyes.  
  
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY!" A crowd of people screamed at him. Harry instinctively grabbed his wand and started to drop to the floor, but Tonks was there holding onto his arm. Startled at his reaction to the surprise, even though he knew it was coming, Harry took a deep breath to calm himself again. This entire reaction happened so fast nobody else in the room even noticed that they were all almost cursed by the over stressed boy-who- lived.  
  
"Harry!" a bellow came from the tall red haired boy from across the room. Waving excitedly, Ron Weasley was almost a humorous sight in himself as he jumped up and down.  
  
"Ron. This is so great!" Harry lied through his teeth in order to keep his friends happy. Pulling his face into a big smile Harry made his way to the other side of the room where his best friends were waiting. Next to Ron was Harry's other best friend and Ron's girlfriend, Hermione Granger.  
  
Harry reached out and wrapped Hermione into a great big hug. Enjoying the feeling of having someone close to him, Harry hugged her tightly for a few minutes and gave a sigh of contentment as he felt some tension being released from him. Hermione for her part noticed that Harry was holding on tight and with a quick look over to Ron and a raised eyebrow, she hugged Harry back just as tightly.  
  
After a few moments they separated and Harry went over to Ron. Hitting him lightly on the arm, Harry smiled a bright real smile to his best friend. "I can't believe everyone did this for me!" he said with wonder. Birthdays were not normally something he celebrated. Harry looked around the kitchen taking in the sights. There were decorations hanging from every available spot available. There were balloons chasing each other across the room. The table was loaded with all his favorite foods and there were mugs of butterbeer at every seat. And in the middle of the table was a sight that made his breath catch.  
  
A huge chocolate cake made up the centerpiece of the table. With seventeen large candles and the words Happy Birthday Harry written in green across the center the cake was the most wonderful thing he had ever seen. His eyes started to mist as he looked at it but he was saved from any embarrassment when Mrs. Weasley came over to him.  
  
"Harry my dear." She said as she pulled him into a hug. "Happy Birthday! I hope you liked the surprise." She released her hold on him and stepped back to look at his face. She looked for a long moment into his eyes and Harry was sure she was searching for something, but whatever it was she seemed to find it as she let go of him and walked over to the head of the table.  
  
"Alright everybody. I didn't make this food for you all to stare at it. Let's dig in!" Everyone grabbed a seat and started loading up their plate. Harry had originally planned to sit next to Ron, but Mr. Weasley had other plans for him.  
  
"Not there, Harry. Tonight, you get the spot of honor." Mr. Weasley said as he guided Harry over to the head of the table.  
  
Slightly unsure of himself Harry sat down in the oversized chair and began to load his plate with the assortment of food. Until the delicious smells of the food reached him, he hadn't realized he was that overly hungry. He began eating like a starving man at his first meal in months. Mrs. Weasley smiled at him gently.  
  
"Harry dear, not so fast, you'll make yourself sick." She said as she raised her fork to her mouth.  
  
"But Mrs. Weasley," he said with a mouthful of food. "This is just the best thing I've ever eaten." He gave her a wide grin and she nodded her head in thanks.  
  
The rest of the family was busy talking about what had been going on.  
  
"So the daily Prophet said that you-know-who attacked another village yesterday." One of the Weasley twins was saying. At the mention of Voldemort, Harry's attention went straight to them. "I hear that he's still trying to recruit vampires." George said to his twin. "Guess he just wants others around who are just as blood thirsty as he is." Fred joked back at his twin.  
  
"Boys!" Mrs. Weasley exclaimed. "There will be no talk of things like that. We're here to celebrate." She shook her head at the two troublemakers and looked over at Harry to see if he was okay.  
  
"Sorry mum." The twins said as they bowed their heads down to look at their plates. But Harry had noticed the smirks on their faces and knew that they had something on their minds.  
  
"Harry?" Hermione asked. "Have you had a chance to get your school things yet? You know we have to be prepared for the N.E.W.T.S." There were groans coming around the table.  
  
"Hermione, dearest, it's way too soon to worry about studying." Ron said as he reached for her arm. But Hermione wasn't going to listen to that.  
  
"Too soon for studying!" she started to stand up but Ron grabbed her arm and dragged her back to her chair. "I can't believe you said that Ron." She shot him a disgusted look but she returned back to her food to continue eating. Ron just rolled his eyes at his girlfriends' over-enthusiasm towards schoolwork.  
  
Harry watched all of this with a smile on his face. It was good to be among friends again even if it was only for a little while. He looked around the table at the people who he considered his family.  
  
On his right there was Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Mrs. Weasley, with Mr. Weasley at the other end of the table. On his left were George and Fred, Tonks and Remus. He remembered that Charlie was still off in Romania working with his beloved dragons, Bill was currently in Egypt on special assignment for Gringotts, and Percy was still not being spoken to after his unbelievable behavior during their fifth year.  
  
Harry was surprised that Dumbledore hadn't made an appearance, but he was extremely relieved that Snape wasn't there to ruin his special evening. His relationship with Snape had deteriorated even more over the last year and he wondered if maybe he couldn't have done something a little different.  
  
"Okay now, is everyone finished eating?" Mrs. Weasley asked rubbing her hands together. A chorus of "yes mum" rang out and she proceeded to smile. "Well then I think it's time for Harry to open presents." She motioned for everyone to follow her out into the living room.  
  
"Presents!" Harry was shocked. "But you've already given me a party. You didn't have to give me presents too." He was surprised that they would do this much. He knew that the Weasleys didn't have a lot of money and he felt bad that they were spending it on him. This must have shown on his face because Mr. Weasley came over to him and put an arm around his shoulder.  
  
"It's our pleasure to do this for you." He whispered comforting the boy. "You're part of our family and we want you to know that we're here for you." Dropping his arm, Mr. Weasley walked out of the kitchen and into the living room with him.  
  
Harry looked up in surprise as he noticed all the gifts on the small end table for him.  
  
"Look Harry," Fred said, "If you don't want them George and I will take them off your hands." Giggling the twins started to reach for the pile of gifts.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Ron yelled at them. "Those are Harry's and if you touch them I'll have to hex you." He said this as he raised his wand at his older brothers.  
  
"Ronald Weasley! You put that down right now!" Molly yelled at her youngest son. Shaking her head she turned towards the twins. "And you two behave yourselves or you can sleep in the attic." The twins glanced at each other trying to determine if she was serious with her threat or not. Deciding silently to play it safe, they sat down on the couch and waited for Harry to open his gifts.  
  
Harry stood there not really sure what he should do. "Sit down Harry" Ron said as he rolled his eyes at his best friend. His arm was wrapped around Hermione's waist and she didn't look like she minded all that much. Mrs. Weasley was pointedly trying to ignore this behavior and focused instead on Harry.  
  
"Sit at the end of the couch dear so we can see what you got." She said as she handed him his first gift. The present was rectangular in shape and was wrapped in what looked like old Christmas paper. Curious, he looked at the tag and noticed that the gift was from Hermione. He looked up at her and noticed that she looked kind of red.  
  
"Sorry about the wrapping paper Harry, it's all we had around the house." She seemed embarrassed about it so he just smiled.  
  
"No problem. I'm just hoping it's not a book." He smirked at her as he knew perfectly well that the present was just that.  
  
"There's nothing wrong with books!" she said shaking her head. "If you would study more and read more you would be better prepared for school." Hermione was frustrated that her two best friends didn't take school seriously enough.  
  
"Okay, Okay!" Harry raised his hands in defeat. "Let's see what we've got here." He slowly unwrapped the Santa covered wrapping and looked down with a frown on his face as he read the title of the book._ The Life and Legends of Famous Wizards and Witches Series Volume 5: Godric Gryffindor_. He was surprised that she would choose this book to give him. He looked up at her and saw her anxious face.  
  
"Thank you." He said quietly. "I'll make sure to read the whole thing." Running his hand down the side of the book, he opened it and quickly scanned a page at random.  
  
_"...No one knows exactly when he started showing signs of being able to perform wandless magic, yet scholars think it could have been as early as twenty-one."  
_  
"Harry!" Ron was shouting in the background. "Not now! Open your other presents." He couldn't wait for Harry to see what he had gotten him. He smiled with anticipation.  
  
Harry dragged himself from the book a little reluctant, he was curious to find out more about wandless magic and he made a mental note to read more about it later.  
  
Ron stood suddenly and grabbed a small gift from the pile. He then handed it to Harry with a mischievous smile on his face. Harry lifted his hands feeling a little concerned about Ron's cat-that-ate-the-cream expression, and weighed the gift in his hands. It was awfully light and there was a sound of something rolling around when he shook it.  
  
"Come on Harry! Open it already!" Still smiling, Ron made his way back over to Hermione and whispered into her ear. "He's gonna love this." She looked over at him and stared into his eyes for a moment. Brown eyes met blue and they were lost. Breaking the connection Hermione leaned over to whisper back at her boyfriend. "So what did you get him?" she asked quietly. "Just wait and see." He said mysteriously back to her. Turning their attention back to the birthday boy, they snuggled closer together comfortably.  
  
Harry meanwhile was slowly tearing the wrapping off the box. As he did so he happened to glance over at his best friends sitting together on the couch across from him. Watching them together as they looked lovingly at each other made him feel a little excluded and he felt a pang go through him as he realized he didn't have anyone to look at him like that. Forcing that emptiness down deep inside of him for a moment he went back to the task of opening his gift.  
  
The wrapping was now off and Harry cautiously began to open the box. Looking again over at Ron and seeing him nod in excitement; he removed the lid and placed in besides him on the couch. Looking inside he saw two small white stones. He lifted his head in confusion.  
  
"Rocks?" he said with a slight tone of disbelief. "You got me rocks? Please tell me this means something I don't know about." He couldn't believe his best friend gave him rocks. Still staring in shock at Ron he waited for the redhead to explain himself.  
  
"They're not rocks Harry. They're Heartstones." Ron explained when he realized Harry really didn't know what they were. Waving her hands excitedly Hermione continued with a more detailed explanation.  
  
"Heartstones," she started, "are designed to let you know how someone is feels about you. You hold one and give the other stone to the person you want to know about. Once both of them are held at the same time they will change color depending on the true feeling that is held in the person's heart. Hence the name." She looked pleased at her explanation and the look of understanding that crossed Harry's face.  
  
Ron decided to put in some more information. "The really cool part is that even if the other person is lying about their feelings, the stones will still show the correct color no matter what. It's a great way to find out if a person is a friend or an enemy."  
  
This brought out the more logical part of what is Hermione's brain. "Maybe we should test them?" she asked with a look of concentration on her face. She put one hand on her hair and started to twist her finger in it. A definite sign she had a question that needed an answer.  
  
"Okay, let's" Harry said as he handed a stone to Ron and the other to Hermione. Everyone in the room held their breath as they either stayed sitting or stood to get a better look at the stones. As the couple looked at each other and then down to the stones they also were anxious to see what would happen.  
  
The white stones stayed the same for a moment then gradually they changed to pink and then to red. And stayed there. A collective exhale of breath came from the two holders of the stones and they looked up at each other and grinned shyly.  
  
"Guess its official now, huh, Ronnekins," Fred teased his younger brother mercilessly. "You know that red means love..."  
  
"...Looks like we'd better prepare for a wedding now..."George chimed in.  
  
"Not yet we aren't! They are way too young for that!" Molly stated with her hands on her hips and her face turning red. She had stood up to watch the stones and now looked like she really needed to sit back down again before she fainted. "There will be no marriages or anything else until after they've graduated. And THAT'S FINAL!" She glared at everyone in the room as if daring them to challenge this fact.  
  
Everyone else in the room had the exact opposite reaction to her demand than she had planned. They burst out laughing. The twins fell onto the floor clutching at their sides. Mrs. Weasley stood there, shell shocked at their reaction. Even Mr. Weasley was struggling to hide his smile with his hand covering his mouth.  
  
"I don't see what so funny!" she humped and finally gave into the urge to sit back down. She was feeling very insulted. But as she sat there and watched her family laughing and having a good time she felt herself give in and a small grin crossed her face.  
  
"Alright everyone, I think that's enough. We have a party to get back to." Remus finally broke the laughter to say to everyone. "We still have a few more gifts for Harry to open and it's starting to get late." He said this quietly and sat back down on his chair by the fire.  
  
Harry looked over at him and wondered about his silence. He hadn't said much tonight and Harry wondered if it was getting close to a full moon. The reserved man had a tendency to become almost ghost-like about being around people as the moon came closer to completing its cycle.  
  
As everyone got himself or herself back under control, Hermione suddenly had a thoughtful look on her face. Harry grinned as he saw a calculated look briefly cross her face and wondered if he should warn his best friend or not about her twinkle in her eyes at the mention of the word 'marriage'. Decided against it he took his spot again at the end of the couch.  
  
"There's a piece of parchment that explains what all the colors mean, so I hope you like it," Ron rambled as he handed the stones back to Harry.  
  
"Thanks Ron, this is really great. I'm just not sure if I'll ever need them." He tried not to let the sadness of this statement show on his face but Ron must have noticed it.  
  
"Don't be silly Harry. We all know that there's someone special out there for you. You just have to find her. If you want, we can arrange for you to meet some girls." He smiled happily at the thought of setting his best friend up with someone. 'Who to choose though?' Ron thought to himself.  
  
"I don't think that's necessary Ron, but thanks anyway." Harry tried to politely decline and placed a hand over his eyes. 'I'm going to have to tell them someday. But not today.' He lowered his hand at the sound of Tonks voice.  
  
"I've got another gift for you Harry." Tonks said as she walked over to the boy and stumbled over the leg of the end table and knocked over a figurine that sat there. "Opps, sorry about that," She said as she straightened herself up and handed an envelope to him.  
  
Harry glanced at the black envelope and wondered if he should open it or not. Opening it gingerly peeled away the wax and looked inside. He pulled out a piece of parchment that and raised an eyebrow in surprise.  
  
"Tonks" he said with a rushed breath. "This is amazing. Absolutely amazing!" he jumped up from his seat and rushed over to the young woman. Grabbing her into a big hug and thumping his hands against her back, he continued to thank her.  
  
"This is great! How did you know?" He let her go and smiled brightly up at her. "Thank you! We'll have to get this done later in the summer. I can't wait!" in his excitement he started to jump up and down. Tonks smiled at him relieved that he liked the gift.  
  
"What is it?" Ron asked curiously. "Come on tell us. We're all dying to know." But Harry was still to breathless to speak so he handed the parchment to him instead. Ron reached out for the letter and looked down at it reading it out loud for everyone.  
  
CERTIFICATE FOR SERVICE  
  
This certificate allows the holder one free tattoo of their choice. To be redeemed at Tonks Tattoo Tower in Diagon Alley.  
  
"A tattoo?" Hermione wrinkled her nose. "That's such a muggle thing, don't you think?" She really didn't understand why Harry was so excited about it.  
  
"No, Hermione, it's not like those boring muggle ones. This is a wizard's tattoo. It might be better to show you than to try to explain." Ron was also as excited as Harry. He'd always wanted one and thought that this was the greatest gift he'd ever seen.  
  
Harry by this time had calmed down and looked at Tonks with a curious face. "How did you know that I wanted one?" he asked.  
  
Tonks looked at him with her own twinkle in her eye and said, "A good auror knows how to pay attention to her surroundings." And she winked at him as she went back to her chair.  
  
Mr. Weasley smiled, "Well Harry, just let us know when you want to go and we'll get that done for you."  
  
"Oh. No. You. Won't!" Mrs. Weasley interrupted almost at the top of her lungs. "There is no way I'm going to allow Harry to do that to himself. It's disgusting and vulgar! I won't allow it." She stormed out of the room and headed into the kitchen.  
  
Everyone watched her go in stunned silence. "Don't worry about her Harry. I'll talk to her." Mr. Weasley said as he walked out of the room following his upset wife.  
  
"We'll there's a killjoy." Ron said as he also returned to his seat on the couch. Everyone followed his example and sat quietly not sure what to do next.  
  
"Do you think we should open the remaining gifts or should we wait?" Hermione asked as she held Ron's hand for comfort. Molly Weasley upset was not something she enjoyed seeing.  
  
Ron shrugged his shoulders not really sure what they should do. Harry for his part sat quietly at the end of the couch wondering what he had done wrong.  
  
"Don't look like that mate." Ron said to him. "She's got something in her head; we just don't know what it is."  
  
"We'll you know how mum is Harry," George said, "She's just a bit overprotective sometimes."  
  
"Be glad she hasn't decided to wrap you up in a jumper and hide you in the closet." Fred joked.  
  
At the mention of the word closet Harry exchanged a look with Remus and blushed slightly. Fortunately for him, the Weasley parents decided to reenter the room before anyone noticed how uncomfortable he was becoming.  
  
"Harry dear, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to spoil your party." She walked over to him to give him a big hug. Harry stood to accept it.  
  
"Its okay, Mrs. Weasley. Everything is okay," He gave her a quick hug and sat back down.  
  
"Let's open some more presents! And don't forget we still have cake!" Mr. Weasley's voice rang out but everyone noticed it was a bit strained. Looking at his face, Harry could see the remains of tear tracks on him and wondered what could have caused the normally cheerful man to be sad.  
  
Thoughts of troubles quickly left his mind as Harry had another gift thrust at him. Flinching back from the unexpected invasion of his space, he calmed himself, smiled, and grabbed the offering.  
  
"This one's from Ginny." Mr. Weasley said proudly as he looked at his only daughter with a smile.  
  
"Thank you Ginny," Harry said as he started opening it. Ginny didn't say much, just gave him a knowing look and sat back on the couch a few spots away from Harry. Even though she had gotten older she was still a girl with few words.  
  
"It's superb!" Harry exclaimed as he pulled out a necklace with a small green snake at the end of it.  
  
"It has a warning charm on it. If you get anywhere near any Dark magic it will hiss at you to let you know. Of course, you should have no problem understanding what it's telling you." She wanted to give him something that would help keep him safe. Over the years she noticed that trouble seemed to find Harry no matter what, so she felt he needed something to help him out.  
  
Harry was holding the necklace carefully. He fingered the snake gently noticing how it had small gray eyes. Thinking about grey eyes brought back some memories of another snake with pale skin, silvery-blonde hair, and startling eyes. 'Whoa! Not now.' Harry thought to himself and focused again on the people around him.  
  
"Thanks, Ginny. Will you help me put it on?" She smiled her answer, got up and helped him put the necklace on. He held it out to let everyone see it and then he pulled out his shirt and placed it next to bare chest. It felt warm and it wiggled occasionally, otherwise, it was so light he wouldn't have known it was there.  
  
"That's a really nice gift Ginny," Ron looked over at his sister surprised with what she had gotten. "Why can't you get me something like that?" he asked with a smile on his face to let her know he was joking.  
  
"I don't know Ron, maybe because you're too much of a brat." She replied haughtily as she sat back down again.  
  
"Leave her alone Ron. I think it's a wonderful idea." Hermione placed her hand on his arm. "Besides, if anyone needs advanced warning about anything Dark, it would be Harry." Everyone in the room nodded their head at this comment. It hit home on many levels.  
  
"Well, it looks like there are only two gifts left." Mr. Weasley announced to the room. "Remus do you want me to give him his gift or do you want to." He asked the quiet man in the corner.  
  
At this Remus looked up at Harry, considered for a moment and said, "You know what? I think I might have you open my gift later tonight after you get back to the Dursley's. It's kind of personal and now that I think about it, I don't think you want an audience." Remus gave Harry a look and walked over to the end table and picked up his (thankfully) wrapped gift.  
  
Harry was confused but decided that maybe it would be better to wait. He just smiled at Remus and sat watching the twins beg the werewolf to let Harry open it now.  
  
The twins however were dying with curiosity.  
  
"Come on Remus..." Fred started. "It can't be that bad..."George continued.  
  
"Let him open it now!" they both whined together.  
  
"No. That would be a bad idea. He can open it later." The conversation was over and they knew it. Both boys sat down and sulked until they remembered that Harry still had to open their gift.  
  
The two proud owners of Weasley's Wizard Wheezes both jumped up again so they could personally give Harry their surprises.  
  
"Here you are Harry!" they said together. "Go ahead, open it!" He looked at them, slightly worried that something possibly dangerous might jump out at him.  
  
"Are you sure it's safe?" Harry asked as he undid the string that held the box together. "I don't want to spend the rest of my birthday at St. Mungos." He said with a smile on his slightly tanned face.  
  
"We make no promises" was the excited reply from the troublemakers. Harry's hand froze at that point and he looked up sharply at them. "Oh honestly Harry, you can open it!" They smirked at his nervousness and nodded at him to continue.  
  
Holding his breath, Harry finished undoing the knot and opened the box. Inside he found an assortment of very strange looking items. He looked back up at the excited duo.  
  
"Those are the newest, just recently approved for the general public, merchandise, that is now available from our store," they announced with pride. "You get the privilege of being the first person, besides us, to use them on anyone you want to. Including, but not limited to, Snape, Filch, and of course, Malfoy!" and at the mention of the bad boy of Slytherin they burst out laughing.  
  
"However, if you do use any of our marvelous inventions, we do insist on you taking a picture so we can paste it onto the 'Wall of Shame' that we have decided to place in our shop." They laughed heartedly at this and Harry shook his head and laughed with them. He wished he had more time to do nothing else but prank his fellow students. Realizing where that thinking would take him he put the box aside and stood to shake hands with the older boys.  
  
"Fred, George, thank you. I'll make sure to use the contents properly." He actually couldn't wait to try a few of them out.  
  
"Okay, now for the last gift." Mr. Weasley announced.  
  
"But there isn't anymore." Harry looked around the room for a present he might have overlooked. They others were looking confused as well.  
  
"After talking with Albus, we've decided to see if Harry would like to spend the rest of the summer living here with us!" Mrs. Weasley said with her face shining.  
  
"Here? With all of you? I... I... don't want to be a burden. Are you sure you want me here that long?" Harry wasn't sure if he wanted to be around his friends for the rest of the summer. He really wanted to keep his distance.  
  
"Of course we want you here and you're never a burden." Mrs. Weasley said reassuring. She was concerned that Harry wasn't as excited by this as she expected. She glanced over at Remus and he just nodded his head. They exchanged a look of understanding and she decided to let him off the hook.  
  
"However, if you need some time to think about it, that's fine to. There's really no rush if you don't want there to be." And she went over to the confused looking boy and put an arm on his shoulder.  
  
"I just wasn't expecting it, that's all. I'm just so overwhelmed with everything you have all done for me. I'll make my decision in a couple of days if that's okay with you." He looked up at her with a hopeful look. He really didn't want to decide this right now. His evening was simply going too well for such an important choice.  
  
"Not a problem dear. You can always let us know whenever you're ready." And with that she made her next announcement.  
  
"Who's ready for cake?"  
  
Everyone jumped up and bolted towards the kitchen. After singing a very loud and off keyed version of Happy Birthday and eating enough cake to stuff a small army, Harry was very happy and very tired after his long day.  
  
"So are you ready to go back now Harry?" Tonks asked noticing the exhausting on the birthday boy's face.  
  
"I suppose we should." He went over to his friends to say goodbye. "Ron, Hermione. Thanks for everything. This was the best birthday ever. I'll send Hedwig over to let you know when I'm ready to come back. I just need to get some things in order before I leave there for good."  
  
"No problem, mate. We'll be here." Ron said as he gave his friend a tired smile. It had been an exhausting day for all for of them.  
  
"You know we love you Harry." Hermione said as she gave him another hug. "I can't wait until you're here with the rest of us. Besides we still have summer homework to revise."  
  
"Yuck! Honestly Hermione, couldn't you have waited until later to remind me. Now I'll never get a good night sleep." Ron moaned as he left the room and headed upstairs to his bedroom. "Later Harry!" he called over his shoulder and disappeared.  
  
"Goodnight Harry!" and Hermione followed her boyfriend's example and went upstairs.  
  
Remus took this moment of quiet to walk over to Harry and hand him his gift. "I pretty sure you'll be glad to open this without the stares of the others."  
  
Harry looked at him and went to work opening the gift. A small laugh escaped his mouth. "A book Remus? Are you trying to turn me into Hermione?"  
  
"Just open it all the way and look at the first page." Remus said patiently.  
  
Ripping off the paper and looking at the title. '_History of the Goblin Revolution_.' He looked up at Remus as if he was insane. "History of the Goblin Revolution? Are you serious?"  
  
"Open it up Harry." Harry looked down at the book in disgust and opened it to the first page, read it, and looked back up at Remus in surprise.  
  
"Does that say what I think it says?" he asked in shock.  
  
"I thought maybe you could use some practical advice and since it's' not an area that I can help you with..." he stopped mid sentence, not sure how to continue.  
  
"Wow Remus. I don't know what to say..." This was becoming embarrassing now that the shock had started to wear off. He never expected to look down and see something called '_The Gay Wizards Guide to the Joy of Sex.'  
_  
"Well, um, I guess, um. I guess it's time for me to go." Harry stammered looking around for Tonks.  
  
"You know I only mean the best for you, don't you?" Remus asked looking anxious.  
  
"I know, Remus." Harry sighed. "I guess you just caught me off guard. Thanks for not letting me open that in front of everyone. They would never have let me hear the end of it, especially the twins." He grimaced with the thought of what the twins would have done.  
  
They looked at each other and grinned. Everything was okay again.  
  
"Ready Harry? I got all you things together and we just have to activate the portkey." Tonks was carrying several bags and looked like she was going to sway under it.  
  
"Tonks, why don't you just shrink everything down?" Remus asked the strange girl.  
  
"Oh yeah! That's a great idea." She pulled out her wand, mumbled a few words, and everything shrunk down to fit in her robe pocket. "Much better. Thanks Remus."  
  
Remus smiled diligently at her and turned back to Harry. "I hope you had a good time."  
  
"Yep. The best. But if I don't get some sleep soon you might have to pick me up from the floor."  
  
"We'll that's my clue. Let's go." Tonks said as she lifted her hand showing the mug that would take them back to Surrey.  
  
"Birthday over." She said and they whisked away from Grimmauld place and back to number 4 Privet Drive.  
  
"Thanks for everything Tonks. I had a great time today." Harry said as he picked himself off the ground.  
  
Shaking her robes free of dirt, Tonks handed Harry all his shrunken gifts. "My pleasure, Harry. Now be a good boy and get yourself inside. It's time for me to get going and find my way to my own bed. Good night Harry." Looking around to make sure no one saw her, she lifted her wand and apparated away.

* * *

Smiling to himself as he remembered what a great day he had, except for a few parts, he looked around trying to see who was on guard duty that night. Not seeing anyone but knowing they were there, Harry let himself into the house.  
  
Walking quietly upstairs so he didn't wake anyone, he opened his door quietly and went inside. He walked over to his desk and placed his items on the desk. Taking his wand out of his back pocket he excitedly said his first allowed spell as an adult and unshrunk his things.  
  
He spent a few minutes putting everything away and carefully placing all his school stuff in his trunk. Suddenly he heard a noise at the window.  
  
Tap. Tap. Tap.  
  
He looked up and saw about 3 owls all tied to one big box. He went over to the window and opened it. The owls came rushing in and fell to the floor. Harry quickly rushed over to them and untied the birds from the box. They hooted once and left out the window again.  
  
Harry looked at the box. "It must be a last minute gift. What do you think Hedwig?" he asked the snowy white bird. But she was out hunting.  
  
He turned back towards the big box. "I wonder who it's from?" he asked the empty room. Noticing a card on the top, he bent over and pulled it from the box. He started to open it when he heard a voice say **"Danger!"  
**  
That's when Harry noticed the wiggling coming from under his shirt. With his left hand he reached under it and pulled out the snake necklace that Ginny had given him. **"What?"** he hissed in Parseltongue to the snake."**Danger, Master!"** Harry looked at the charm then glanced at the card in his hand.  
  
"Okay, let's see what the danger is." He let go of the charm and reached again for his wand, this time ready for anything. He opened the card and looked in shock at what it said.  
  
** Happy Birthday Harry Potter – V  
**  
"Oh, no. What could he have possible sent me? Why? What should I do?" He dropped the card on the ground and started pacing around the room. "Should I open it or not?" he asked himself over and over again as he walked. Finally an idea struck him.  
  
He pulled out the charm and walked over to the box. **"Is there anything dangerous in there?"** Harry asked the snake in again. **"No Master, not that I can tell. There is just Dark magic surrounding the box. Be careful when you open it."  
**  
"Okay, here goes nothing." Harry gathered his courage and on one knee and with his wand in hand he opened the box. His wand fell out of his hand and he mouth opened wide in shock.  
  
Nothing could have prepared him for the sight that greeted him when he lifted off the lid.  
  
His breathing stopped.  
  
He felt his heart break and start to bleed.  
  
He took a deep breath as a cry of utter despair left his lips.  
  
"HEDWIG!" He screamed and falling completely to the floor in defeat, he began to cry.  
  
And he kept crying throughout the night.

* * *

End chapter 3  
  
A/N: So this is the longest chapter yet! I'm hoping nobody decided to lynch me after what happened to poor Hedwig. ducks just in case! Coming up next we learn all about the secrets that Dumbledore is keeping. Until then...  
  
Support your local slash author...please review. Or better yet...send money! 


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